Up until last week, I was living my life in London, broke and unmotivated, when my boss suggested I move to Portugal. “Don’t tempt me with a plane ticket,” I said. He kept his end of the bargain and so did I. Now, I sit in the magical city of Porto.
I don’t have enough power within me to
Exhale the smoke from my mouth.
This is what you
Do to me.
I should have known when you persisted to call me by my childhood name that this was not going to go anywhere profound. I’m not that person anymore (or at least I’d like to think so). Something keeps pulling me back though. It was as if you know that I would be taken back to that negative train of thought and hatred for myself.
Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any better. When I thought I had figured out the secret to living a happy life – everything came crashing down. I am back to the place where I know that life isn’t about being happy, it’s about continuously searching for more.
Before January gets away from me – I wanted to express the weird feeling that I have right now – it’s happiness. This is so strange for me – for the first time in my life I absolutely love my job and it’s made the world of different to my life.
Today was really something spectacular.
I’ve just come home from a holiday at my brothers place – not far from here, but a short plane ride away. It was a well-needed time off but along with any family gatherings, there’s of course irritations and annoyances. Either way, I can honestly say that I was taken care of for a solid ten days and I was very grateful for that.
This place has swallowed me whole.
My head is bopping in pools of water.
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.” – Perks of Being a Wallflower.
This quote oddly sums up how I’ve been feeling my entire life.