If you think about death…I mean, really think about it, you realise that you are, more likely than not, going to reach a point in your life where you are going to suffer. Most likely, it’ll be a physical pain that you’ve never experienced before, and you’re going to struggle. It’s going to hurt. And that pain could go on for hours and hours, or days. You don’t know the fate that life has in store for you. Does that scare you?
I don’t have enough power within me to
Exhale the smoke from my mouth.
This is what you
Do to me.
Dear 25 year old me,
I know you were unable to let go of the past. I know you had an undertone of sadness even during the most exciting times of your life, but the truth is – your exciting times were not exactly the healthiest choicest.
You pretended that you did not know why you were upset, why you are afraid to let yourself go and just be you, but you always knew it was your weight holding you back. You felt like a failure in a lot of your life, and giving up, more than once, on your journey to becoming thin and healthy made you feel inadequate again.
Of late, I’ve been in a bad place. Things seem too much for me, and my anxiety and self-criticism is spinning way out of control. Due to recent events, I’ve had a hard look at myself. I wonder if I am truly happy, if I am truly enjoying my own company but at the same time, realising that people in my life are very quickly turning away from me.