So many new thoughts have entered my overactive mind in the last few weeks. While I love my adventurous side (and still have a dozen more countries that I would like to see), I have this need to settle down. No, I don’t necessarily mean having kids, getting married, buying a house and investing in things. I mean, I want to find a place that I can call home. This has been all too difficult for the past few years because I’ve had to move apartments, countries and cities every 2-4 months for work or because of a lease that has ended. It’s left me somewhat bitter in that I have to pack up everything I own once again and try to make a new place “homey”. So once again, it’s been a total of 6 weeks in this new place and I have to move out. Just lovely.
After almost three weeks, I am finally in a place that I can call ‘home’ … until July 6th.
I moved to England on June, 1st and it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster. It’s the hardest career/life move that I have ever had to do. Some might argue how that could possibly be – in Korea, everything is handed to you. Yes, you don’t understand the language or the culture but you arrive there with a job and an apartment (that your school pays for) and you earn a cushy salary.
I’ve set up shop, once again, in South Korea. I landed a few days ago and am still jet lagged but extremely grateful for my experience at home as well as feeling super optimistic about the year ahead.
Today is weigh day (Weight Watchers) and after a week that was slightly different to the rest (more bread, more red meat and just in general a different eating schedule), I was afraid I would put on weight.
I instead stayed the same. I was quite pleased, seeing as I had already lost 6.2kg in the last month. This upcoming week is school holidays (again!) and that means more changes in routine.
With recent happenings, my biggest concern has not been my weight – which has been a nice change. Yet, living has just seemed like one big blur for the last two weeks.
I am finally reaching the end of my work contract in Korea. I have just under three days left at my current school, and then it’s off to Phuket for my well deserved, long awaited holiday. After that, I have three days in Korea before flying home.
As the time draws nearer for me to leave Korea and head back home, I am starting to stress a lot, feeling badly about myself but also reflect. I know that I’ve felt depressed for over a year and I know why that is – but as the time comes to go home, I feel like those insecurities and bad feelings will just be seen and made worse. After doing some reflecting today, I starting thinking about my family in a way which makes me feel guilty and bad.
Yes, I have failed myself again. I get into beast mode and it’s like temporary insanity with food and sleeping. It used to be less and far spread, but now it’s as if 80% of my life is spent this way. I’m having trouble sleeping at night because I am leaving Korea in two weeks and my anxiety is through the roof.