I haven’t been writing because I can’t find any quiet space in my mind to do so. I feel like time is sprinting and each day is done before I can even bat an eyelid. I sit at my desk with my eyes half closed and before I know it, I’m in bed desperately trying to fall asleep.
It’s dead quiet in the office. Just what I need. I’ve been given the period off from teaching because the students are doing a reading activity. This week has been overwhelming, to say the least. I brought my happy-go-lucky, ecstatically happy attitude with me from South Africa and it stuck, for the first week or two.
My MacBook took a dive and instead of panicking, cursing and complaining to everyone I knew – I calmly contacted a computer guy, packed up the machine and sent it off the next day. My life is calm. I am noticing changes everyday. I can see how these antidepressants are saving me. I no longer make my compulsive lists and worry excessively. I realised that it was the OCD fuelling the anxiety and vice versa.
I am utterly exhausted today. Mentally and emotionally. I spent one to two hours crying so hard, that I’m embarrassed to see my neighbour. I know that this space is for my rantings, but I just don’t feel like going into the details of last night.