It’s the end of the year and I found myself thinking about how excited I was for 2014 to begin. But then my pessimism came crawling in and I actually wondered why we put such weight and significance in these kinds of events. It’s the same as going on a diet – “I can’t start on a Tuesday, I have to start on a Monday!” or “Let me start fresh tomorrow morning.” 2013 is a year, but a day is a day.
I needed a mental day last week when I felt like the world was just out to get me. When I realised it – it was as if I was going out of my way to do nice things for others yet everything that could go wrong with me, did.
It finally got too much for me last Tuesday when my internet banking wouldn’t work and I thought it was the end of the world because I need to send money home this week for my studies and my best friends’ wedding.
I’ve been laying in bed for the last hour, unable to sleep. I woke up with a slight hangover which was bearable, but more importantly – a scratchy throat which is annoying me. My eyes are heavy, and even though I cannot sleep – I am tired.
I unblocked and checked out an old friend of mines’s Facebook page tonight. This is someone who played a very important role in my life for about six months. We became very close very quickly, and it did not end well. Regardless, it made me think about the beginning of this year (when we met).
It’s the first day of the new year and I will admit, I feel miserable. I don’t know if I am happy or desperately unhappy and it’s scaring me. I’ve decided that I’ve been doing a pretty good job of fooling myself into thinking I want to be in Korea for a third year. Regardless, it’s happening.