Feels Like A One-Way Ticket

5So many new thoughts have entered my overactive mind in the last few weeks. While I love my adventurous side (and still have a dozen more countries that I would like to see), I have this need to settle down. No, I don’t necessarily mean having kids, getting married, buying a house and investing in things. I mean, I want to find a place that I can call home. This has been all too difficult for the past few years because I’ve had to move apartments, countries and cities every 2-4 months for work or because of a lease that has ended. It’s left me somewhat bitter in that I have to pack up everything I own once again and try to make a new place “homey”. So once again, it’s been a total of 6 weeks in this new place and I have to move out. Just lovely.

When I heard the news 3 weeks ago, I frantically searched real estate websites in Barcelona and even went as far as looking at places in Cape Town and Berlin. I also thought perhaps I’d do a month-long travel through Europe. But moving cities and moving countries means yet again getting used to the area, learning the language and so on and so forth. While that is exciting, I am just not in the place right now.

I’ve been living in Barcelona now for 5 months… and I love it. I am quite sure that I am not convincing myself that I love it because I don’t feel like making a big move. When I think back on the places I have lived throughout my adult life, none feel like home… besides Barcelona. Just my luck though, that places available for March are either utterly shit or too expensive. So, in an attempt to get my ducks in a row, I’ve bought a return ticket to go home for 2 months. In this time, I hope to save my money, come back in May and get a one bedroom place. There’s just one problem with all of this…

Having broken away from life in my home country, people move on – much as the same as I have too. They’re different, I am different. And suddenly, I get the feeling as though they really couldn’t care less that I am coming home. Family and friends probably see me as a burden as I need to crash at their place and rely on them (or public transport) to get around. I hate been reverted back to the state where I rely on others. I’ve recently learned that this is the reason why I love living in a different country. I don’t want nor need the help of others. Additionally, I realised that I don’t really have any one in this entire world that gives a fuck where I am or what I am doing. Sad, but sort of freeing.

So while I will only be spending two months at home, it almost feels wrong. It feels like I’ve bought a one-way ticket to a place where I am “the baby” again, asking for help. I really should be excited but I’m just not.

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7 thoughts on “Feels Like A One-Way Ticket

  1. Too bad you can’t find an option in Barcelona. Maybe something in a reasonable rate will become available. Perhaps even a roommate might work until you save enough for your own place. Going home because you have to is a tough one after being so independent.

      1. I’d consider those two months as a break from life. You don’t get to be “the baby” again so much I think; try to enjoy the most out of it while you can, if possible! Good luck.

  2. I feel you

    No one that looks at the whale in the eye remains the same

    You have already tasted freedom and adventure so can’t be the same again!

    Would it be possible to find a home like experience in travels I.e. a pattern/consistency that you crave being incorporated in to your life on the move? You could start thinking of being a global citizen. From what I hear, it’s noble

      1. Global citizen:

        It basically a person who sees the planet as home rather than a country.

        He sees all other people in the world as fellow humans with shared values, interests, challenges and hopes.

        Most importantly in my understanding is the fact that they consider human similarities being more than our differences.

        Characteristics of people I understand as global citizens include tracing and seeing, associating and appreciating diverse people, environments and circumstances

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