How Much Longer Can I Do This?

Even though my problems seem so cliche I still feel as though no one really understands what it is I am having difficulty with. I suppose no one knows what to say or how to say what they really want to say or maybe they just don’t give a fuck. The girl that you see before you is able to roam the world leaving behind everyone and everything she knows. But when will I be able to change my mind set so that I don’t need people to understand me, I can understand myself?

I don’t know how to snap out of bad, upset, depressed or anxious moods. I’ve spent all weekend in bed, curtains drawn because I feel cheated and defeated. I’ve just started a new job as a High School English teacher. I came to England almost four months ago and I got this job via an agency who told me that the school was a “good school”. After seeing the behaviour of the students, lack of discipline and feeling like I am actually not even teaching but rather babysitting – I did some research of my own.The report indicates that this school is not, in fact, a “good school” and that the only thing they actually achieve a high ranking for, is the number of children with special educational needs. This was never told to me. In fact, I didn’t know that a report like this even existed until I started working there. Why hadn’t any one told me?

My job makes me feel frustrated and upset. I see some fantastic students sitting there, books out and ready to learn but the rest of the students make it impossible for me to even try attempt a lesson. They’re being robbed of their education and my studying has almost gone to waste. The behaviour is atrocious. This is not what I know to be an education.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this. This whole thing has gotten me really upset.


4 thoughts on “How Much Longer Can I Do This?

  1. Sorry to see you’re down after leaving Korea. My wife and I are also preparing to move home (U.S.) and I wonder if we’ll crash at some point too. Sucks to see that you get lied to in your own country. Seems like some things don’t change, no matter where you are.

    Anyway, I hope things pick up for you and that it gets better. Will hope for a better week for you from afar. Take care.

    1. Thanks for the read and the comment. I’m South African so it’s not my country that’s also why it’s been really hard and I couldn’t of known about all the above regarding the school. It’s been tough! I hope that you’re happy back home in the US!

      1. Sorry for the mistake there. Not home yet, as we’re traveling through SE Asia at the moment. Sort of looking forward to it but 4 years in Korea was enough for me and my wife, I’d say.

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