I wasn’t noticed very often. Not by boys, not by men and not by male family members. I was never the hot one or the confident one or the sexy one but rather the friend of the girl who always had a boyfriend. Year after year, boys and men came into my life via her and I always wished it were me. Why wasn’t there any one coming to watch me dance?
I’ve been avoiding writing anything that sounds like a diary entry for a while now (I hate the sound of it).
Everyone thinks that I am having the best time of my life. I am happier than Korea, yes. I persist to call Korea The Hole. I am happy… I’m just… not? What would the adjective be for someone that feels happier and looks happier and sounds happier, doesn’t feel sad or depressed but is?
I’m on the brink of giving up my body.
and I’ve been doing
This place has swallowed me whole.
My head is bopping in pools of water.
learn to face the monsters who
decided that you should be this way or
the people who tried to
Your insides are rotten with maggots and decomposing filth. I know you.
I’ve seen you.
You wish you could be in awe of a place that is not your own but when time moves like an infant child crying for you to leave her alone, you have nothing more than the mere moments in which to breathe. Continue reading “Sick Joke”