I will no longer allow others to dictate how I feel about myself. I have lost faith in people, many times, but now – the thought of interacting or relying or working with people disgusts me. I don’t want to have friends or a companion, I don’t want you to sit near me or tell me your secrets or betray me.
I don’t want you to make me feel bad about myself. I’ve allowed every single person to tell me what I should think about myself. That look. That God forsaken look every single day that makes me feel stupid. She thinks I am stupid, I feel stupid. That mildly unattractive man at the bar who doesn’t want to go home with you – “you’re ugly and fat” he’s probably thinking. I am ugly and fat, I think to myself. I’m not good enough for you or for you or for you. I’m not worth keeping your promise to me. I am merely another empty vessel that just roams this earth for a few years before I die and then that’s it. You’ll find someone else to make them hate themselves, though. That’s human nature – sex and aggression. I’m done with all of that. Don’t talk to me with that mouth of deceitful, hurtfulness – don’t look at me like I am a kid who can’t even spell their own name correctly!