Crippled

I felt weird last night. It happened around 5:30pm and it felt as though I was high or out of it. I went home and had no energy to do small tasks. I got in bed around 7 o’ clock and felt completely out of it throughout the night, too. I woke up feeling OK but down. I went to work and as soon as I got there, it was as if I was about to implode or have a panic attack.

The office made me feel claustrophobic like the people, movement and walls were just overwhelming me. I moved to a quiet place and breathed deep and fast. I was waiting for a massive panic attack but it didn’t come, only something that felt like a mini attack. I cried a little and felt embarrassed that my co worker had seen me so vulnerable. I’ve never had a panic attack or feelings of that nature in public (for that I am grateful), but today – it was as if this disease hindered my ability to work and participate in every day life. It was crippling. I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to feel OK and carry on with my work. I couldn’t be there a second longer, though. I went home early. I feel ashamed and angry at myself about this. I feel flat now.

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