I’ve been sexually abused. I’ve been emotionally abused. I’ve been neglected. By men all my life. Can’t you see that I’m trying to scream out;
I saw them. It was like two large shapes of black merged into one larger figure. I continued to dance and my body didn’t react until the disgust hit me and I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I want to cry. I want my precious heart to pour out of my body and I want to feel the pain run down my face. I want to gasp for air. I want to cry so badly. When will the struggle of being alive, end? Iwriteandiwriteanditallsoundsoridiculous
I will no longer allow others to dictate how I feel about myself. I have lost faith in people, many times, but now – the thought of interacting or relying or working with people disgusts me. I don’t want to have friends or a companion, I don’t want you to sit near me or tell me your secrets or betray me.
I’ve watched men disrespect and mistreat me – be it within the space of a few hours, months, years or worse, a life time of emotional unavailability. I can’t say I’ve ever really received treatment from a man that makes me believe that he would actually do anything to keep me around.
I felt weird last night. It happened around 5:30pm and it felt as though I was high or out of it. I went home and had no energy to do small tasks. I got in bed around 7 o’ clock and felt completely out of it throughout the night, too. I woke up feeling OK but down. I went to work and as soon as I got there, it was as if I was about to implode or have a panic attack.
We’re born alone, right? Why is it that we strive to have a significant other? We live our lives being ashamed of being single and putting up with the biggest load of bullshit from the opposite (or same) sex.