Self-Destruction

“Monsters don’t sleep under your bed. They sleep inside your head.”

Why do people do the same shit and expect a different outcome? Do you think anyone intentionally likes to fuck things up for themselves? Repeating destructive patterns and hoping for something good but never actually receiving it?

It’s a behaviour, a pattern, a comfort zone. What world do we know if we, as self-destructive human beings, don’t have pain? Self-inflicted pain, physical and emotional. I’m resting on a nest full of dark stories. The mediocrity of life is making me want to stand at the edge of a mountain and yell. I want someone to yell at. I want someone to listen to me when I scream.

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One thought on “Self-Destruction

  1. Hey
    I know what exactly you are going through right now. The frustration, anger, loneliness, everything will just come to a head and you feel as if you’re drowning in an ocean of emotion that no matter how hard you try to keep yourself afloat, you just seem to cause yourself to drown faster. Some days I kept asking myself why I even got up in the mornings, whether or not I deserved to even be breathing. I can’t say that it will get better, that is left up to you. There are always going to be days when you hate yourself and the world around you. There are going to be days where you feel homicidal and want to lash out and hurt and there are days when you’re so scared to be yourself because you just want some peace from that evil voice that keeps whispering every single thing you think is wrong with you. Keep striving against that voice, in the end you’re the boss bitch and boss bitches don’t take orders from anyone, especially not from self doubt.

    Sorry I disappeared off the radar for so long, but things have been hectic on my end. My parents marriage almost fell apart and I was the glue sticking things back together and I changed my major to linguistics because to me psychology was too much in terms of the lecturers giving lectures on one thing an expecting something different in the essays. I couldn’t stand it anymore with their double standards and I almost klapped one of my lecturers since he was perving on me. Luckily I never have to see him again now that I’m done with their bullshit.

    I wrote a piece of fiction for fun, it’s got a few bdsm themes but not like 50 shades. From what I’ve read from the books, the author has glorified abusive relationships and made it seem alright for women to go through. Then I vented for several weeks and then wrote something out of frustration and irritation. I actually wanted to show it to you and you can tell me what you think. Maybe it’ll take your mind off of things if only for a little while

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