Who is Going to Love Me Then?

I am pretty.

I am intelligent.

My golden brown hair shines in the sun.

My skin glows.

There is nothing wrong with me.

Until my golden brown hair no longer has sun to shine in.

And my skin is surrounded by darkness.

What then?

Who is going to love me then?

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…And it was Lovely.

I don’t like the fluctuations in my mental state, but maybe it’s just normal? I don’t really notice how happy I was until I suddenly feel like an empty vessel. At this very moment, it’s very difficult for me to articulate my feelings. Things are going very well for me. I have just finished my very last exam for my postgraduate Education, I have a pending book publishing, the weather is cool and I have just started seeing someone. I feel a little unsure about my feelings for him because he is Korean-American and I feel like all dating conventions are different now. I never thought I’d find a Korean attractive, but he’s very cute and all I know is that I have fun when we’re together. Maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is.

I watched The Fault in our Stars yesterday and felt desensitised by the cliche even though it felt like I was so inside this movie. I loved the characters and the soundtrack – M83 – Wait – this song makes me feel like my heart is on fire. The end made me cry, surprisingly. And it was lovely.