My MacBook took a dive and instead of panicking, cursing and complaining to everyone I knew – I calmly contacted a computer guy, packed up the machine and sent it off the next day. My life is calm. I am noticing changes everyday. I can see how these antidepressants are saving me. I no longer make my compulsive lists and worry excessively. I realised that it was the OCD fuelling the anxiety and vice versa.
I’ve been back in Korea for a week and a half. Luckily, a week of that has been time off. It’s been great for me to relax, get my head right, get used to jet lag as well as getting my new apartment up to scratch. I’ve had fun. It’s Sunday evening and I am ready for the upcoming week.
I know I have things on my mind, I know I have things to do but they are not controlling me. I’m checking them off one by one almost effortlessly and I hope that that contributes to a rational train of thought. Before, I would be frantically making lists about money, things I had to do, things I had to buy and worrying about them – If they’d be done in time, what if they went wrong etc. I’ve taken on the attitude that I’m loving life and doing the best to be kind and give to others and I feel as though the universe is thanking me back, in many ways.
When I arrived home just over 3 months ago, I was back at my heaviest weight. I sit here today, half way back to my lowest. This was done rather effortlessly, too. I’m not obsessing over my weight for the first time in almost two years and THAT is also freeing. I love my body, but I also am aware of what I am eating and what it’s doing to my body. There is really only one thing I can conclude with this – my demise was living opposite the McDonalds for an entire year. My body had taught me that it’s not the occasional or even daily chocolate bar or ice cream that makes me blow up, but it’s the fast food. I spent the greater part of one year eating 2-3 McDonalds meals a day for dinner. It was easy, affordable and two minutes away. Is the McDonalds close to me in my new city? Yes, it is. It’s about 5-7 minutes walk away. But, those added few minutes really discourage me. I have lean chicken breasts, veg, fruit and yogurt in my fridge. I’ve stocked up on some great South African spices and I’m more than happy to cook. I’ve decided to eat the Korean lunch at school with the students and teachers, but also realise that this is not going to make me gain weight. It is about portion control.
Thank you, universe.