Today is weigh day (Weight Watchers) and after a week that was slightly different to the rest (more bread, more red meat and just in general a different eating schedule), I was afraid I would put on weight. I instead stayed the same. I was quite pleased, seeing as I had already lost 6.2kg in the last month. This upcoming week is school holidays (again!) and that means more changes in routine.
I’ve started my second teaching practical and it happens to be at my old High School. I seem to be more and more disappointed as the teachers really don’t want any part of student teaching (the shadowing, teaching of their classes). I feel like a big bother to my “mentor” and the faculty in general. My previous school was so accommodating it almost puts this school to shame. I’m doing my bare minimum and I’m leaving early, because they’ve scheduled only 2 observations a day for me. I want to have as little contact with this mentor as possible because she is unfriendly and does not want to engage with me at all – even though she is only a year older than me and we went to the same school.
In general, though – I still feel great. Weekends spent at home are wonderful. I spent three nights in a row going down to the beach to see the sunset which is breathtaking every night (see my previous post for photos). I’ve been offered a job in Korea and I’ll be going back to the small town I lived in in my second year. The place where everything started, this blog included. I experienced many firsts there – my first boyfriend, my first heartache, my first realisation that I needed to change my life, my first gym experience and probably the happiest I’d ever been. That’s not to say the first few months were hell. Prior to all of these experiences, I did not have any friends and I was not well liked. It was a blessing that I become comfortable with myself and enjoy my own company. I am my own best friend. Going back there does not scare me. It excites me. I realised, being in the big city for the last year, that my heart belongs in a small city. I thrived there, and I only associate good things with that place.
I’ve started reading The Gift of Imperfection, and it’s probably also the kind of literature I need in my life. The author, Brene Brown, is also a reason why I changed my life – after watching The Power of Vulnerability on TED Talks. I remember reading at least 10 pages a day of an inspirational book before. It helped me stay motivated. I’ve also been writing a lot more since I have been home.
Two nights ago, I lay in bed, said a prayer and had a thought that I had not had since 2012 when I dated a guy who made me feel like a princess – “The colour is back in my life.” I didn’t think I could achieve that feeling without the love, lust or approval of a man – but here I am, all on my own.