Well, I’ve been wanting to write for an entire week but have never quite found the quiet time to do it. Seems life is a bit chaotic – although, I always say that. It seems even the smallest tasks make me feel overwhelmed. On that note, that’s the main topic I wanted to write about.
I started my anti depressants just over a week ago. Apparently they take at least two weeks to start working. I felt absolutely content this past weekend and I didn’t know if I needed to thank the pills or not. I went home and spent the entire weekend with my brother, sister-in-law and my three year old nephew. They live in the UK, so it’s been three years since we’ve all been together. I felt immense joy and love in my heart. It was as if I didn’t want to miss a thing – waking up early, joining in all of the time – which is also slightly strange for me when it comes to family events. I felt heartsore when I had to leave this past Sunday to come back this side for work.
I started to believe the pills were working, yet I began obsessively making lists and doing things in near panic mode two days ago. That’s exactly what the pills were prescribed for. I am giving it time. I do feel good.
I’ve now been at Weight Watchers for 4 weeks and am down 6.2kg (14 lbs). THAT makes me feel good in itself. I love losing weight. And most of all, it’s been done quite effortlessly. I feel that home and where I am living now has made a very positive influence on me. I smoke and drink less and evidently, eat better too.
I recently got some documents done by a company that has helped me before. It is one woman running the show and I’ve been working with her for three years now. She thanked me quite sincerely for being a good client and when I got that e-mail, I just thought to myself “I deserve it all.” I deserve good things and to be happy, because I feel I am a good and kind person.
Job interviews have not worked out as planned but I do have two more this week which look promising. One is a school in the town I lived in two years ago. I spent the first six months there, hating it. The foreigners did not like me because I was a drunk mess and my friend was not very polite – and that hurt a lot. After the first six months, I decided to change my life and it was then, that I changed into a person that takes care of herself in more ways than one. I didn’t care about them, because the sole focus was myself. For that reason, I only attach good feelings to the place. It was there that I became the person that I am proud to be.
The other job interview is in a province that I do not know at all. All I do know, is that it is 45 minutes to a nice beach/area. That, in itself, is a pro to move there. However, I feel torn. Do I go back to what I know, where I accomplished a lot or do I need a great change. Change like that does not scare me. But, looking at the pros and cons – it seems the old town wins. The pay is better, the area helped me become a better person and it is a province that I know – close to people and places I like (the air base – which seems an important factor for me now, as I would really like to meet someone this year). The new province has the beach close-ish and it’s a new adventure, shall we call it. Perhaps I am counting my eggs before they hatch, but I do feel I can get both jobs.
All in all, I feel good. I am losing weight, addressing my anxiety, getting a lot done (1 module completed for my studies this year), and a new job is on the horizon.