Do People Even Care?

With recent happenings, my biggest concern has not been my weight – which has been a nice change. Yet, living has just seemed like one big blur for the last two weeks.

I am finally reaching the end of my work contract in Korea. I have just under three days left at my current school, and then it’s off to Phuket for my well deserved, long awaited holiday. After that, I have three days in Korea before flying home.

I’ve been torn, worried and stressed about making a decision concerning my next venture. When you add more options to the mix, it’s just a cause for more sleepless nights, on top of the fact that my mind likes to pay attention to small detail, too – what should I pack, what should I throw out, when will I do this and when can I do that. It’s safe to say I am not functioning optimally at the moment, but unlike those scenarios where people try make you feel better by saying “everything will be OK” – everything WILL be OK.

As mentioned, I’ve thrown in some new options into the mix for a new job starting in May/June. I’ve done the Korea thing for three years now, and I am super comfortable and happy living in this country – but of course, I feel like coming back for a fourth year would mean people think “yeah, ok she’s just running away.” etc. I know I shouldn’t really care what they think.

I am finishing my teaching degree this year. Finally. After three years (this being my third), I can finally graduate. I have now made the time to go home for three months, which I was never able to do while working under contract here. I will be home until the very end of May, and thus – I have been job hunting for a new TEFL/TESL position for then.

I was offered a job in Bali and I must say that has taken up the most of my precious little head’s time. Bali sounds like a dream, and wide open spaces and beaches is exactly what my soul craves (coming from Cape Town), but as I researched more, read over the contract, cost of living, benefits, work hours and just general living conditions – it just doesn’t seem like the place for me to be given that I have not saved that much money. The salary is not glorious, in fact, it makes me worry I’d even make it month to month – especially after living such a comfortable life in Korea.

I let out all of my insecurities about going home to Tuesday, while drinking. And it made me feel awful and ashamed, because we were taught to never talk outside of the house. It’s the first time I let out my true feelings, owing to the fact that I felt my family may be the cause of some of my issues.  Although I have not a single bad thing to say about my mother – I also felt like my entire family and friends don’t really care about me coming home, too. A day later, I got an email from my mother telling me how excited she was to see me and all the things she’d planned for us to do. It was just what I needed.


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