Every time I get on that scale, I see a number higher than the last. I am utterly out of control with food and spend most of my time consumed with what my next meal will be, eating and only being to a point where I am satisfied after I’ve eaten copious amounts of fast food at night. I know this has to stop. I know my bad eating has always been linked to other aspects – if I am eating badly, I am sleeping more/less or irregularly, I am more tired, I am more unhappy and thus leading to me drinking more or making bad decisions. I know all of this too well, I spent almost my entire life living that way.
Oddly enough, I don’t feel depressed about it (right now). I saw a picture of a girl who exposed her stomach, admitting that this photo was to all the people that had bullied her in her life for being overweight. Yes, I admit my eating is out of control but I can also admit that there are people of different sizes in the world. I guess in a perfect world, I would be making healthier choices and loving my body, regardless of how it looked.
In two months, i will go home. I feel like I should be making these changes now, so that I can reach a goal by then (10 kg). But, and this is the point I am trying to stress, this isn’t going to be my resolution. I have read all about how the gym will be packed on January, 1st and how people feel hopeful because it’s a brand new start – and that would be correct, in a perfect world. If anything, I’d like to say that I hope 2014 is a happy, prosperous, healthy year for myself and everyone I love. I want to make smart decisions, I want to be happier and I want to take more control over my life.