I wish I could solve all the problems in the world. Well, not all the problems – but the ones that I have personally experienced or ones that I really do care about. It’s odd for me to imagine that there are still young teenagers experimenting with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes for the first time, but if I could go back to that age – I know nothing that was said to me would of stopped me either.
I’ve recently being talking with a girl on the other side of the world who is anxious to come to South Korea because of her weight. We talked openly and honestly, and it opened my eyes to a few things.
I’ve just started reading the book Half-Assed – a weight loss memoir, and it’s quite weird how this all fell into place at the same time. So many of the writers’ stories resonated with me. It was almost as though it was me sitting there, writing my story.
I am on my millionth attempt to lose weight and I decided to go through my old blog posts. The ones I wrote exactly one year ago when life was great, when I was working hard, losing weight, happy and reflective. I was thanking my good and bad experiences for getting me to where I was at that present moment. I was not bitter. That person is an inspiration to me. Who would of thought that one year later, I would be the one that I look up to and admire.
In an attempt to declutter my life – I’ve disabled my Facebook and dating accounts. At this point in my life, I feel as though I am addicted to Facebook when I have it, yet – when I disable it, I don’t miss it at all. The problem I have is, the time that it wastes. It’s like food – if it’s there, you’re going to want to have it.
I spent hours mindlessly clicking on the Facebook tab and app. I read what people have to say, which is about 80% bullshit and I wonder “Who really cares?” Who cares if someone got tanked last night? Who cares if someone is soooo exciting for the weekend? I feel like it’s wasting my time in a destructive way.
Below, are quotes from the autobiography Believe It, Be It. It’s a weight loss book written by the winner of Season Five – The Biggest Loser, Alison Vincent. I read this book about one year ago and it was such a good read, I finished it in one day.
As I am consumed and obsessed with my weight, especially lately – I wanted to re-read the book and underline the parts that speak to me. A lot of it is concerned with low self-esteem, which I fall victim of, too.I have put the quotes most applicable and meaningful to me, in bold. I hope these inspire you.
A few days ago, I admitted to a friend that I feel like I’ve hit my rock bottom – she, a former drug addict, told me that when you hit rock bottom, you will do absolutely anything it takes to get out of it. I guess in that sense, I did not hit rock bottom – but I sure felt like life had been smothering me.
The big things – like my self esteem, self image, weight and everything else, to the smaller things – the walk to work using the same streets, my apartment, my friends, Facebook and e-mails. My entire life felt like one big frustration.
I’ve been laying in bed for the last hour, unable to sleep. I woke up with a slight hangover which was bearable, but more importantly – a scratchy throat which is annoying me. My eyes are heavy, and even though I cannot sleep – I am tired.
I unblocked and checked out an old friend of mines’s Facebook page tonight. This is someone who played a very important role in my life for about six months. We became very close very quickly, and it did not end well. Regardless, it made me think about the beginning of this year (when we met).