The Respect That I Deserve

I am going home in just over five months. This month has flown by, but that’s what happens. This is my third year in Korea and after the first six months of your twelve month contract, the time just flies. I’m thankful and, of course, cannot wait to go home because I haven’t been in more than a year and a half.

But, as the time draws near, so does the stress. Yes, I have loose ends to start tying up but I have made myself a plan for when I go home in March. It all seems pretty organised. I do, however, feel not only excited to go home, but anxious. When I started losing weight, my family had shown such pride and respect for me. It was, of course, a good thing.

Now, as I am struggling with all of it – I think about that moment when I get off the airplane. I had been looking forward to that moment for a while. Now, I fear I will still be that fat girl. My brother is my worst critic. He would probably snicker or make a face behind my back if I got off that plane still overweight and it’s just making me so worried and stressed to go home. I don’t get the respect I deserve, being at my size.

At this point, it’s easy to tell myself or for others to tell me to just do it. I have a goal and I want to lose the weight, I am just stuck in such a bad place right now.


3 thoughts on “The Respect That I Deserve

  1. who cares what your brother thinks? Your family hasn’t seen you in over a year, so don’t let one person’s negativity effect the happiness you will have at seeing the rest of your family.
    Your stress at this current position seems to be causing you to lose control of what you have worked so hard to control for yourself.
    I was like you at one time, doing stupid things to try and make myself feel better (ask me about the 20 pair of 3d glasses i ordered because i was sad sometime.) After realizing it didn’t really make me feel better, and there were other things causing me stress, i was better able to control things in my life.
    I am currently overweight (even if it is just my perception of me.) and I haven’t found a weight loss method that works for me, other than a terrible break up with a boyfriend (how do I lose 20-40lbs in two weeks? Lose my heart to some stupid boy who makes me feel worthless after giving him my all.) or a stress level so high I can’t eat for a few weeks. anger helps me lose weight, but it also raises my blood pressure and potentially takes years off my life.
    As long as you can love you, you’ll be fine. You seem like a good hearted person, who just needs someone else to tell you that.

  2. You don’t need to cry over what i what i say, you just need to accept and remember what i say is the truth as i see it. Don’t let someone else bring you down. You already beat yourself up enough. You are a worthwhile person, and you deserve love, even if the only love you can have and trust is the love you have for yourself.

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