I am going home in just over five months. This month has flown by, but that’s what happens. This is my third year in Korea and after the first six months of your twelve month contract, the time just flies. I’m thankful and, of course, cannot wait to go home because I haven’t been in more than a year and a half. But, as the time draws near, so does the stress. Yes, I have loose ends to start tying up but I have made myself a plan for when I go home in March. It all seems pretty organized. I do, however, feel not only excited to go home, but anxious. When I started losing weight, my family had shown such pride and respect for me. It was, of course, a good thing. Now, as I am struggling with all of it – I think about that moment when I get off the airplane. I had been looking forward to that moment for a while. Now, I fear I will still be that fat girl. My brother is my worst critic. He would probably snicker or make a face behind my back if I got off that plane still overweight and it’s just making me so worried and stressed to go home. I don’t get the respect I deserve, being at my size.
At this point, it’s easy to tell myself or for others to tell me to just do it. I have a goal and I want to lose the weight, I am just stuck in such a bad place right now.