Let Me Tell You What Is Wrong With Online Dating.

I’d never attempt an online dating site until I got to South Korea. Before then, online dating was something old people did to find love. I also had never considered online dating because I was such a mess and having too much fun doing things that were unhealthy for me. I didn’t realize there was such a massive market for it.

In South Korea, these sites are slathered with American military, some English teachers and then, of course, Koreans. OKCupid, which is more profile based, extensive and I suppose more of a media to have meaningful conversations, if you will. Skout, on the other hand, is a cell phone app with men’s photographs displayed as “online”. Most of the profile are not filled in, and it’s great for small talk.

Yes, I have met many men from the internet. And with sincere honestly, 95% of them, I was not attracted to whatsoever. I did, however, meet my last two boyfriends online. (One of which turned out to be a giant psycho, but never mind).

In a world saturated with technology, everything is online. We spend our lives on our computers, laptops and cell phones and it makes the youth feel that it’s impossible to meet someone in a regular situation. I’ll agree. I don’t want to meet someone in a bar (what a fantastic story that would make for the kids), but other than that – when are we ever relaxed (or sassy) enough to meet someone? So, off we go to online dating.

Choosing a guy whose profile you want to visit, like lambs to the slaughter or treating men like they’re a bunch of handbags on a rack. I can tell within less than a second who I have potential to be attracted to and who I don’t, just by their tiny profile photo in a list. So, after finding someone decent looking, we view their profile. Send them a message, perhaps they reply and you have some kind of connection. Or perhaps, you get the same story as everyone else “Hello, where are you from?” “What are you doing in Korea?” “I am in the military and have a curfew like a little school boy” “How long have you been in Korea?” which, at this point, is driving me crazy to the point where I deleted my accounts.

Regardless – what is wrong with online dating websites? It’s just a giant website of comparison. You are not that pretty girl he met at a friends’ party or the girl in his class. You are one of 50 000 other girls that, in a second or more, may be more interesting than you, prettier than you, funnier or sluttier than you. Just like that, you are replaced. And then there is the awkward situation where you can see the guy you had a “great” first date with, online.

I’ll admit, I don’t treat men on those websites as if they were people. I don’t realize they have feelings, a personality or a life. They are merely a face that can be replaced within a second.

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Korea, Love and Longing

South African with a passion for writing, photography... and nothing much else. I travel the world in order to find the country I like the best. Four years in South Korea makes me a winning survivor of Google translate and charades. Currently, living in Spain. - Love

12 thoughts on “Let Me Tell You What Is Wrong With Online Dating.”

  1. I understand your dilemma with online dating. I’m on a few dating sites, but I don’t even log in half the time unless someone sends me a message. Half the time the message is “hi” or “you’re hot, let’s hook up.” And that is why I’m still single. I am not a piece of meat. I’ve met a lot of okay men, but after meeting in person, I don’t want to be more than friends with most of them because there is always something off with them. (for example, too many fart jokes, or they have like four kids to my zero kids, and expect me to step in as mom right away.)
    I’m starting to think the whole world is broken, so maybe that’s why online dating is so big. No one wants to really know anyone, they just want sex, so that’s all they look for.

  2. You hit the nail right on the head. I didn’t even touch on the subject of sex, because – this post would probably be double the length. It’s sad that we live in a world that can make use of so many websites, apps and other technologies to find sex. And it is all they want!

    I really liked when you said “No one wants to really know anyone.” – so true, so sad.

  3. It’s true though. Everyone wants someone to know them, but they don’t know how to know someone else, let alone themselves. Hell, even a lot of women i know are bed hoppers, they are madly in love with one guy, and as soon as they break up, she’s moved in with the next guy and is in a “serious relationship” with him right away.
    It’s why I’m not too upset being single. At least I know my wants and needs and can take care of myself.

    1. There’s also the aspect of being replaceable at any stage of the “chatting” or seeing each other with some other girl online.

      My ideals have changed considerably and once upon a time, I was OK using these websites to form something that wouldn’t last more than one night, but now – I feel like your best bet is actually meeting someone in the real world so we are not comparable to the other thousands online.

  4. Pretty much says it all: “I’ll admit, I don’t treat men on those websites as if they were people. I don’t realize they have feelings, a personality or a life. They are merely a face that can be replaced within a second.” This is true of everyone online because the online dynamic creates this situation.

      1. Happens to the best of us. I had a guy I fell head over heels for play the teeter-totter game for four years. Finally i took the first step and went to his state to meet him. Shortly after that he moved in with me in my state. A year after that, he cheated on me with my upstairs neighbor. If i hadn’t just jumped in both feet first, i’d have never learned that he would always play games like that. I’d still be scared to travel alone, and i wouldn’t be where i am.

        I may be single, but i have a plan. I may be single, but i have a life. I may be single, but at least i know how to really love someone, and i respect myself to not allow a random sexual encounter to be all i’m worth.

        I admit, i also do a lot of the basing things on looks, but thats just the first test of if i want to get to know someone. Does he post only drunken party photos? No, okay, does he look like he lives off mcdonalds food and in his mother’s basement? No, okay, does he at least have hair? No, well that’s disappointing. Does he have kind eyes, or does he look like he might have a temper?

        I do treat these “men” as though they were people, but i constantly am bombarded with comments about casual sex. It’s me they forget is human. I never forget they are people too.

        It’s why i hope to meet someone while i’m in school. I doubt it’s going to happen anytime soon, but at least if you know someone face to face it’s not going to be super easy to just fall off the face of the earth because someone else is chatting with them.

      2. Wow, that must of been such an adventure traveling to a new state to meet the guy. At the end of the day, we walk away having learnt something from any experience, no matter how painful. I learnt a significant amount from both my relationship regardless of the fact that the one was a 35 year divorcee who was looking to screw around after so many years of marriage and is now settled down with a woman (hurts!), and the other who turned out to be pretty sick and twisted.

        I’m sorry that happened to you re: your neighbour! At the end of the day, meeting someone seems to be the challenge. However, almost all of the men that have been and are in my life, are full of shit.

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