The Bad Side to Public School Teaching in South Korea.

I thought now was a good time to do another post about the pros and cons of teaching in South Korea. Actually, this was not written as a blog post, but rather a private e-mail to my friend that I thought I should share for anyone who is considering Public School in South Korea. This is, unfortunately, the bad side of Public School.

“I am just unhappy all of the time because of work. Co teacher even asks now if I am OK, and yesterday the other one said I look depressed. I dread every morning and every day I just want it to be over. This is the worst year I have had in Korea. My last 2 schools had ups and downs, but it’s difficult to find anything I can tolerate here.

I brought chocolates to school – I was just going to bring 1 box for the lady on the first floor because she is just SO horrible, bitchy and disrespectful towards me and I wanted to kill her with kindness. I ended up buying 3 boxes, the other 2 for my co teachers. I want to tell myself that the horrible one does things only because she wants a good orderly class, and she looks out for me changing my material but that is not true. I am sitting with these chocolates next to me, and I don’t even think I will give it to her. Today is a typical example of how she makes me so upset. We are teaching, and the kids are kind of havoc because they moved their desks and did group work, it’s about 5 min before the end of the class, and she just walks out. She’s done, apparently. I take over and let them leave and straighten out desks but she has now decided she is done for that class. Every morning, she waltzes in 5 min late. I don’t give a shit to take over, I prefer it – but she takes full advantage of me and I do not like it. Seriously, just had enough. I can’t do another 6 months of this.

From next week, I start teaching grade 6 on my own. She told me that is my class. Yet, she told me now she wants to see my material and rules and tells me what rules I need to add. She never co operates with me about times to talk about our shared lessons and when she finally decides she has time, it is 20 min on a Friday before the end of the day and I (I being the operative word) end up rushing around to finish before home time at 4:40. I mentioned that to her before, and again yesterday when she mentioned we would have to talk about lessons together, and I told her not the end of the day because we rush around. But, she makes me do all of the work anyway. It is literally a dictator rushing around telling me what to do at the time that is convenient for her but inconvenient for me. And the worst part is how she ALWAYS says “we need to…” “we must…” as if she lifts a FINGER for lesson plans OR classroom prep. And then the way she says “could you…” every 5 seconds when ordering me around. I must change the music, put out name tags, open classroom, open windows do everything. Even 2 days ago she said to me she doesn’t want to use the YouTube video I opened up so “could you” find one with lyrics. I told her SHE can find one – type in xxxx lyrics and she will find it. When we had to go shopping for summer camp, she kept me about 2 hours post work buying material, and made me push the trolley. It’s a princess in work. At this point, I don’t know if I should purposely stop doing nice things – like setting out her name tags for her etc because she should do them on her own. This whole experience has just made me wish I was back at the hagwon, with shitty holiday, no classroom, no interactive board and a 35 hours working week purely because I had no one to watch over me, no one telling how how to teach or what to teach and I didn’t have to worry about all my lesson planning going to waste, having to do it all over and have to rely on someone who is very uncooperative to get it done every week.”

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21 Days to Form a Habit.

I’m on day 2 of my challenge to change my lifestyle, lose weight and be a happier version of myself. Yesterday went well. I started using Herbalife again. I had a shake for breakfast and for lunch. I had a chicken breast with lettuce, tomato, mushroom, onion for dinner and I had 2 handfuls of almonds and cucumber as snacks. I had a a smoothie of milk, banana and a spoonful of protein powder after gym. I did a 50 minute zumba class in the evening. I’ve also started a piggy bank where I will deposit W1000 ($1) every time I exercise.

I still feel tired today. I tried my best to get great sleep last night, and I did – almost 8 hours, but I think my body needs some time to get over how I’ve been treating it lately.

I braced the scale and I put on 6kg from the 16kg that I had previously lost. It wasn’t the best moment of my life, but I am so determined to go above and beyond this time. I won’t lie, I still have this underlying lack of faith that I won’t lose any weight despite the hard work.

I will go to a Tae-bo class tonight, and eating has gone well today, too.

It apparently only takes 21 days to form a habit. Yesterday was tough, at times, but I kept telling myself that the beginning is always the hardest. I will get into a great routine that I love again.

My Birthday, A New Beginning.

Today is my birthday and it feels like the beginning of a new year for me. A new chapter, a new start. I’ve realized there is a lot that is dysfunctional in my life and I am going to change those things. I’ve done it before and I will do it again. As they say “It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up.” Tonight, I am having dinner with 5 of my girl friends and as from tomorrow, I am going straight for all the things I have ever wanted in life. Some may say I am not 100% committed because “on Tuesday” sounds like an excuse. Truth is, diving into things without having a plan and without getting your head right, will result in lack of success (for me). I’ve written down exactly what I want to achieve, how I want to achieve it. My biggest goal being 6 months, when I fly home to South Africa.

I had a birthday party this past weekend, and after my friend embarrassed me, slapped me in the face, hurt all of my friends’ feelings and was, quite frankly, a big disrespectful douche – I realized that this could not have come at a better time. As I wean out the bad habits, why not wean out the bad people, too. As my heart bleeds for my friend, I was his last standing friend in the world because of how rude and bitter he as become. At the same time, a friend is not a friend if they hurt your feelings and do the things he did over the weekend. 

I’ll be blogging a lot more now, throughout my journey. I hope you’ll follow me and give me some encouragement. It’s time to work hard and get everything I ever wanted.

My Last Fat Birthday.

I lost 16kg at the end of last year but this year has just been a cloudy mess. I’ve gain 4 kg back and I haven’t felt more disgusting in my life. I look in the mirror and feel gross and uncomfortable. I started losing weight by using Herbalife for 1 month. After trying desperately to get my head right to lose the rest of the weight, I have been failing. I’ve ordered Herbalife and plan to start that for 1 more month starting on Tuesday (the day after my 26th birthday). I have 6 months until I go home to my family in South Africa and I want to hit it hard, get off that plane and look fantastic. I wrote a personal letter to my 25 year old self, and have taken some of my own quotes and put it up in my house. I am excited for Tuesday, because I think a complete change will do me some good. I am getting so tired of the same foods, it’s time to get it right again!

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Ruining Everything That Was Good.

I’m that girl that causes trouble, sometimes without even noticing it, with mens girlfriends because I am not happy with myself. I am that girl that takes attention from the wrong places, because any good attention is better the image I see in the mirror or my own thoughts I have of myself in my head.

I’m having a hard time. I feel lost and out of control. I hate myself more because I use every excuse I can find to getting back to a healthy, pro active, constructive life. I validate every reasons as to why I think I am failure. How, I can and never will stick to something.

I read my previous post “Dear 25 Year Old Me” and get teary. It’s true and motivational, but every single piece of inspiration I am trying to find, gets lost.

At this point, I have many people behind me and I am not only disappointing them, I am disappointing myself the most.

Dear 25 Year Old Me.

Dear 25 year old me,

I know you were unable to let go of the past. I know you had an undertone of sadness even during the most exciting times of your life, but the truth is – your exciting times were not exactly the healthiest choicest. You pretended that you did not know why you were upset, why you are afraid to let yourself go and just be you, but you always knew it was your weight holding you back. You felt like a failure in a lot of your life, and giving up, more than once, on your journey to becoming thin and healthy made you feel inadequate again. I know you think you will never be thin, happy, successful, and in love but you will. You have it in you to achieve absolutely everything you ever wanted. You miss your family, being so far away in South Korea, but you will know that that was the best place for you to grow, be the independent person that you always have been but never given the opportunity to show. Life does feel better when you are happy with who you are and what you look like. You just need to prioritize and remember what it was like to work hard. You will be happy and you will always be loved, work on and respect yourself so you are the best possible version.

Don’t regret anything. The bad choices you made and the bad things that happened to you, happened for a reason. It allowed you to see how much you can grow and how much love you can actually have for yourself. Don’t regret it. Don’t over analyse everything. You are not a quitter. You can stick to something, and you can do anything and everything.

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