Getting my Head Ready for the Journey.

Feels a little bit odd that just last night I was complaining of being lonely. I mean, to be truthful, I am alone… a lot, but it seems that that actually IS the place I want to be right now. I tend to achieve my goals best when I am focused on only myself.

Today, I went back to the doctor – an ear, nose and throat specialist. As I already knew, he commented on my otitis media but he described it as “chronic” and that I should get an operation for it. I got some more antibiotics, because my glands have been very sore for a week now. Good news, however, I haven’t smoked in 1 week and I’ve lost about 2kg from loss of appetite.

After the doctor, I went to the stationery shop. I hadn’t indulged in my utter obsession for stationery in a very long time, but it really is something I love to do. I was watching a TV show and a girl was making a dream board. I decided that that would be a fun thing to do, considering the fact that I knew I’d be at home all weekend and also, because I plan on getting back onto the straight and narrow in terms of food, exercise, thinking positive, being organized, less anxious and more happy as from Monday. Yes, it sounds arbitrary to say I will only start “being happy” on Monday, essentially what I mean is, it’s all part and parcel and I plan to get my life back together. Back to the place I was in last year, where I lost weight every week, which in turn, lead to me being more happy, confident etc. I have started gathering things that will inspire me for the journey I am about to embark in.

Here is my dream board. My mother just sent me some magazines from South Africa so I used them to make it:

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Feeling Disgusting.

I’ve had swollen glands for a week now. I spent the first half of the week feeling nauseous, dizzy, in pain and found it difficult to eat, swallow and speak. I went to the doctor and got prescribed antibiotics for 3 days, which ended on Wednesday. I suddenly felt better on Wednesday. Thursday was a holiday, and my friend came to visit. It ended up an all-nighter, until sun rise and needless to say, I am back to swollen, sore glands. Anyway, today (Friday) was the first full day I worked this week. My Korean co teacher has been so wonderful, and lead all of the classes today. I’m thankful it’s Friday but at the same time, I feel some weird emotions.

I’m back in the space where I want people to leave me alone. I am sick of people. It’s amazing how one or several people can influence your life so drastically. No matter what they’re intentions really are, you’re affected. I just don’t feel like it right now. Yet, I suddenly feel depressed and lonely. I feel unlovable tonight. Maybe I am just sick of feeling sore.

I’ve made a pact with my friend in New Zealand and we’re back on our great lifestyle changes from Monday. We agreed to email each other daily and stay accountable to one another with what we’re eating, exercise and how we’re feeling. I think we both need the motivation, too. I am looking forward to it. I’ve just got The Secret to read, and that will accompany my changes. It’s time to get back in the good space I was in last year and continue to lose this weight. I am feeling disgusting.

Have a safe and blessed weekend, all. xx