I was just thinking about what a cunt you are and then you messaged me.
I am writing you this letter with no intention of sending it. I want to write out these feelings so that I can get rid of the anger that I am holding onto, that is slipping away more each day, but still plagues me.
You’re walking away from this thinking you’ve done me such a service. I hate that you leave this relationship still thinking that you’re a better person and that you’re better than everyone else. That your “self development” has taken you to a place that you think you’re functioning at a higher level than most people. I hate that you came into my life with intentions that were not pure, but ironically, you thought (and think) you had only the best intentions for yourself and for me.
You controlled me. You tried to, anyway. Constantly asking how much money I’d saved, constantly coming over for the entire weekend and sleeping in my bed with me, until noon. So that I couldn’t make a single noise around my apartment in case I’d wake you up. You dictated when we’d have sex and when we wouldn’t. You dictated that we wouldn’t be in a relationship because you weren’t ready, but continued to pursue another girl. You dragged me into that relationship which I had and have nothing to do with and then got mad when I told you it had nothing to do with me (It doesn’t!) Don’t you dare walk out of this thinking I have one shred of good never mind romantic feelings for you. You disgust me. Everyone warned me about you. They saw through you and it took me six months to see it myself. You’re a user, always using my money, sleeping at my house and never letting me see yours, eating my food that I cook for you (while telling me you could of cooked it better yourself). Get fucked.
You think you’re some God on your high horse with these unattainable rules in order to be your friend. Threatening to end the friendship when something didn’t suit you. You think you can come into someones’ life, see them as a charity case (your words) yet, pretend you have utmost respect and or fond feelings for them. You think you’ve done so much self improvement, wanting to improve your relationships with people, yet two out of three of the closest people in your life have abandoned you. But, you still walk away with the feeling of service and satisfaction because of the “great things” you did for me and my life. Not fair and not accurate.
You are poison to my life. You were poison. I dreaded you making a mess and hanging at my house all weekend, but was too scared to confront conflict so I let it happen. Meanwhile, you walk around thinking you’ve “helped” me. I was a much better person before you came into my life. You caused me more anxiety than I had felt in months. You telling me how to act, what behaviour of mine you’ll “tolerate” and which you won’t.
You’re a manipulator, liar, user and you only added an intense amount of displeasure in my life. Don’t ever fucking tell me I’m a charity case, I can fucking take care of myself. You see me as this pathetic girl, I am a lot stronger than you know. I should of kicked you out of my life ages ago.
Fuck you for making empty promises (like a ticket to Sigur Ros). Thanks for not appreciating my gift (gifts!), which I thought was so thoughtful because it reflected something you had an interest in, but you never even opened the packaging. Your things around my apartment make me sick.
And PS, I HATED How to Win Friends and Influence People, what a fucking indoctrinating piece of shit book is that.