In Dire Need of Calm of Clarity

I am utterly exhausted today. Mentally and emotionally. I spent one to two hours crying so hard, that I’m embarrassed to see my neighbour. I know that this space is for my rantings, but I just don’t feel like going into the details of last night.

In short, I had a massive fight with a friend that almost ended our friendship followed by an intense talk. Feelings of guilt regarding me not being able to attend my best friend of almost 20 years’ wedding (it is in South Africa, and I do not have holiday at that time), and then some words which I took to heart, even though they were only said with the best intentions. I just felt overwhelmed yesterday.

My future scares me a lot and it’s coming to the time where I need to make a big decision. It’s making me petrified and anxious. It’s so easy when people tell you that you’ll make the right decision. I know I need to sit down and make a pros and cons list. I feel like my head is so cloudy right now. I feel like I don’t ever get that moment of absolute calm and clarity where I can breathe and write.

Tomorrow is a holiday, and honestly it could not have come at a better time. After last night, I need some rest.

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