My life feels different. I’ve gone from this positive, inspired person who enjoyed eating well and exercising to someone who feels inadequate, sad and I am not reaching my full potential. Quite frankly, I’m sick of it! My body is noticing the changes, too – craving bad food more often, and my weight is going up and down considerably. I know why I feel this way. I’ve let someone into my life who makes me feel this way. This is my opportunity to show how strong I am, though.
My friend sent me the most beautiful e-mail last night and I want to quote it here – everything:
“You and I are like recipes, in fact we NEED recipes in our lives. If we can’t plan in advance and control a situation, we fall to pieces and are anxious! We can’t make ‘cakes’ in our lives without recipes. You and I can’t just open the fridge and use what we have got, imperfect as it is, that makes us panic and fear!!! I know this is true for both of us! Having said this, that’s why we fall to pieces in relationships and expectations –there are NO recipes for relationships. In cases like this we have to take risks and work with the ingredients we have, we have to put ourselves out there as scary as it is or else we will never receive ‘food’. I’m obviously speaking in analogies here!
My prayer for both our lives is we can learn to not rely on recipes for success, because they fail us! Point is, we can never control a person’s feelings/thoughts about us. Apologising and acting perfect never works! Striving to be perfect is impossible! I am so over trying to say the perfect thing, look perfect, be the perfect colleague/daughter/friend, be the perfect size etc. These recipes don’t work or make me feel better! I am so over striving and performing. Want the recipes to go out the window and for us to fly like birds!”