Happiness and Loneliness

I’ve been on my lifestyle change now for seven weeks. I want to call it a diet, but that sounds so – I’ don’t know – blah. It’s been more than a diet. It’s been the opportunity for me to dig deeper, read and do things that inspire me, explore my connection with food, taking time off from men and actually, friends.

Even though I am starting to feel awfully lonely, I keep telling myself it’s the sacrifice I’m making. That’s not to say I am not allowing myself any fun, I am. Partly, I’ve been lonely because I’ve reached a point where I don’t really have that many close friends in this country. I sat down last Saturday and thought “How did I get to this point?” from someone who always had a bunch of friends and people around me that were always supportive. I always had a friend I could call during an emotion, and I feel like I don’t have that anymore.

I can’t call up my friends in South Africa at any given time, and that’s really starting to frustrate me. I think anyone who has ever been away from home, especially in a foreign country, can agree that you get to a point where you just need to be home or in a western country to be OK again. I feel like I am reaching that point.

But again, the sacrifice – so it’s half on my part that I am feeling lonely and half on the part that I just don’t have many people to see. Either way, it is keeping me focused. However, work is very chilled right now, and in two weeks I will be going on a one month vacation – which I actually dread because I already have so much time off.

I want to be able to have a busy and active lifestyle, yet even after gym this week (I have ended work at 11 am every day this week) it’s 1 o’ clock and I am cold, at home and bored.

I think this post has gone a bit side-tracked – it was supposed to be about my eating habits, yet I think this rant was overdue. Anyway! Given the fact that I’ve had so much time off I’ve taken to eating a bad snack after lunch for the last few days.

Today, my routine goes back to normal for 2 weeks (end work at 4:10 pm) and I am glad about that. I am still as focused as ever, but this week has perhaps given me some insight as to how vacation time may be. I really do need to make some plans.



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