After editing the about page of my blog, I looked through some of my older posts. One of which began with me saying I have been striving to turn bad and negative experiences into good and positive ones.
Last night, a friend, or more of an acquaintance, told me that my ex was now seeing someone new. I immediately felt the hurt in my body and had a cry. That news tumbled down on me when I began thinking about the fact that I don’t have any friends in my town and thus I am lonely and not happy. I let it spiral into a pity party. I needed to talk about it, so I did. I went to bed and woke up feeling better. However, yes – it is still on my mind.
So, how can I turn these bad feelings into good ones? First, I need to acknowledge that I have dealt with the hurt that my ex caused me – that is done. I will never have to feel those feelings again because of him. I want to congratulate myself for getting through that, with the support of family and some friends who are far and wide, but not near. I do spent about 90% of my time, alone. As mentioned above, I turned that into a negative thing. The positives thereof however are that – I am finally working on myself. I am in a country that I am not tempted to eat chocolate and chips because, plainly put, they’re shit. It doesn’t taste like back home. My down fall in Korea is fast food. The fact that I have motivational sticky notes, personal goals and a food journal in which I write down what I plan to eat the next day, the night before – I am able to be here and stick to those rules. Going out for dinners, not being at home for meal times and sticking to my plan and routine would only hinder the success of my lifestyle change. It sounds drastic, but right now – that is my sole purpose, and sometimes we need to make sacrifices for the things we want. I talk to my friends and family everyday via text, calls, Skype, Facebook and e-mail – I HAVE a support system. I send photos of my meals to my mom every day who says she is proud of me and who is my number 1 supporter and fan. I am not ~lonely~ I just spend a lot of time alone. If that makes sense.
How has he contributed to this – if he had of stuck around, I wouldn’t of made this change. If I had of found someone new, I also would not have made this change. So, I can thank him and myself for that. The fact that he is with someone new, well it leaves me bitter because he is a horrible human being and doesn’t deserve to be happy with someone. Those are my immediate thoughts and feelings. I feel bad for the girl that he is seeing, because he will most probably do the same thing to her, as he did to me and that isn’t fair that I sit with that information and she doesn’t know it. So, how is this a positive experience – well, frankly, it’s so hard to come up with a reason. Perhaps it’s my last and final heartache that I will have to feel regarding him? Now, I don’t have to wonder if he is seeing someone, but that he is. I also know that he did not love me, and love never fails. This failed. It was not meant to be. So, as I work my way through these feelings once more and hopefully for the last time, I keep my goals and aspirations in check because this WILL NOT hinder my progress and what I want to achieve. In fact, it makes me want to work harder.