Sally Sings the Songs.

http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/

Sally sings the songs and Sunny sings, too. I could have dreams and be young enough to believe them. “It’s easy” they said. “One step at a time”  they said. “One step at a time” I thought. Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.

I ran.

If I get there first, I win, no? No. Each step, a sprint – a catalyst for my tired mind. Pushed and pulled into directions I don’t want to see, so I don’t. Franco falls down and Frances follows suit.

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I Love

I love my family and friends.

I love my apartment.

I love that I am ambitious.

I love that I am happy.

I love the trees during Fall.

I love Narcisso Rodriguez perfume.

I love nailpolish.

I love TV shows.

I love music.

I love eating healthily and exercising.

I love writing.

I love modern dance.

I love talking to my friends and family.

I love water.

I love reading.

I love being inspired.

I love making lists.

I love having everything I need in abundance.

I love having money.

I love going out with friends.

I love being loved and accepted.

I love stationery.

I love art.

I love poetry.

I love inspiring others.

I love helping others.

I love encouraging others.

I love feeling motivated.

I love when I finish something that I start.

I love God.

I love laughing.

I love the internet.

I love long e-mails from friends and family.

I love nature.

I love taking photographs.

I love sleeping.

I love losing weight.

I love my curly hair.

I love Clinique.

I love new clothes.

I love new accessories.

I love lamb chops.

I love having BBQ’s.

I love men.

I love leopard print.

I love going home to visit my family and friends.

I love complimenting and being complimented.

I love giving thanks and being thanked.

I love being appreciated.

I love being organized.

I love routine.

I love seeing sun rays.

I love full moons.

I love watching the sunset and the sunrise.

I love seeing the ocean.

I love pay day.

I love when my friends and family are happy and healthy.

Red Fibers of her Being.

The fibers of her red, golden, brown and beautiful locks are alive with promise. The light reflecting on each strand, making her more beautiful than I’d ever imagined. The sun is bright and hurts my eyes and skin, but she does not feel it. Her limp body has received the harsh punishment life has inflicted upon her too many times. Now, she is defeated. She does not fight back, she never fights back. The terrible irony of life that emulates from her hair, rich with colour. Waves crash against the dead wood she lays upon, and we remember her just as we see her.

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http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/

Believe It, Be It.

I’ve just received a new Book called Believe It, Be It by Ali Vincent, a former winner of The Biggest Loser. She talks about her struggle with weight loss as well as the internal reasons contributing to weight gain and eating habits. As much as I absolutely can’t put this book down, I wanted to take the opportunity to write this post, before I continue onto the next chapter.

I’ve realized that I am the only one who has ever stood in the way of me being the happiest and best person that I can be. For as many as seven or more years, the very thing that I thought would make me happy, made me unhappy. And it’s easy to blame the people that you think do these things to you, but at the end of the day – everything I do, every action, every decision and everything that happens to me thereof is my own doing. It’s liberating to say that because I know how I can change the behaviour.

I think the new battle now, is the change.

Pink – Sober.

My posts have been more sporadic lately, I’ve been spending some time thinking about and doing my new blog lifefollowsyou.wordpress.com – kind of like a pay-it-forward project – go check it out.

It’s now been one month since I started my lifestyle change. I have been going to the gym 6/7 days a week and I am actually enjoying it. I lost 2 kg this week, the total being 9.3 kg in my first month. Feeling very proud of that number. My new goal is to lose 6 kg in my second month.

I was faced with a bit of silliness on Friday night when I decided to go out alone. I traveled almost two hours to get there, and it only made me realize one thing – I was the most unhappy that I had been all week when I started drinking. I made a small mistake, which made me feel bad and guilty most of yesterday, but have decided that today is a new day and I am no longer acting on what happened. I also have realized that I don’t want to drink again this weekend coming up, and when I do decide to, it’s only fun when it’s with some friends, not alone.

As I type this, I have Pink – Sober playing. This song has been so real for me the last week or more. It’s on my gym playlist and while I am working out, I hear “How do I feel this good sober?” and I feel that way right now. I am actually happy.

Another line which makes sense to me is “I am falling and if I let myself go, I’m the only one to blame” – as I’ve said, this time is about me. I am closing myself off from anyone who could potentially hurt me and with whom I can lose myself with, because it will hinder all of my progress and it will take me on yet another emotional roller coaster. I don’t condone it, I just know that it’s not for me, right now. And that’s fine.

Have a wonderful Sunday, everyone. x

Affirmations.

As I’ve been reading 10 pages a day of The Power, I’ve actively tried to encourage good thoughts and good feelings by surrounding and reminding myself of the things I want to achieve. I’ve written down what I want from life on heart-shaped sticky notes and they’re stuck up above my computer so that I can look at them often. I also have a number of inspirational quotes placed around my apartment for encouragement. I’m really feel good about myself and about life in general and it’s absolutely wonderful to be able to say that.

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Feeling Good.

I’ve finally found the missing link standing in between my ability to merely breathe and to be alive. I’ve spent a lot of time complaining about the fact that I don’t do any extra-curricular activities and then proclaim that there isn’t really anything I can do, especially during the week. Sometimes, I get these surges of desire to go out and do something cultural. I’ll look up Korean Tourism and decide that everything is too far to do during the week and thus end up at home, watching TV shows and going to bed. The truth is, I haven’t been this happy since I first starting dating my ex.

I’ve been on my diet now for almost four weeks. I’ve made a complete lifestyle change because for me, it wasn’t just about losing weight, it was about getting my body and my mind healthy. I have to say – I am loving it. I feel as though everything I do now is wonderful instead of a chore. The foods that I was eating before aren’t nearly as tasty as the ones I am eating now and it feels good to say that. I feel like I have chosen the best possible time of my life to make this change because I live alone, in a country where I am not tempted to eat out with family and friends every day. I am not faced with tough choices to make regarding food as when I live at home or with someone else. I am accountable for myself, I cook for myself and I spend more time with myself than with anyone else.  Before, I lived at a University res – didn’t have my own kitchen, my own money, my own transport and before that, living at home. Of course my family always wanted the best for me, and everyone else – but there are far more temptations back home than there are here.

Having said that, I have recently taken out a gym contract. I signed up last Friday and have been going every day, except Sunday. My goal is to push myself, and although I am unfit, I take that as a challenge to see how far I can actually push through. It’s a small gym, the owner is a nice guy and there are about five Korean people there at all times. I feel less intimidated there than I would at any gym back home. The bus that takes me home from work also stops right in front of it so I pack my bag the night before and head over there after work.

I’ve ordered three new books – one, a motivational autobiography about a young girl who lost a lot of weight and her journey, a book about basic nutrition and another about getting your head right about losing weight. I cannot wait until they arrive – again, strengthening my mind.

Yesterday was a great day. I ate really well, and after work I did almost 50 minutes on the tredmill without stopping at a generally high-walking speed. I felt accomplished by the end of it. I felt a slight burn in my legs after 20, but pushed through it. After the gym, I went to the shop and bought new and healthy foods that I can play around with. When I got home, I cooked a rad healthy meal and watched my TV shows. I was so exhausted, I was in bed before 10, falling asleep just before 11.

Everyday, I get 8 hours of sleep, drink 2 litres of water, exercise for 40-50 minutes and eat healthily. I am proud of  myself. I found myself telling a friend on Sunday that I was happy my ex was out of my life. I didn’t think I was capable of saying that yet. If it weren’t for it ending, I wouldn’t of started writing, reading, exercising, eating healthily, putting emphasis on only me and testing my self-control by deactivating my Facebook – which then lead me to further focus on myself by deactivating my dating profiles. I feel good.