Four months ago, all I wanted was him out of this country. Tonight, I say goodbye with a sadness in my heart. I am not only saying goodbye to a wonderful human but also someone that symbolises something so important to me – how I can evolve passionately as a person.
He took a chance on me when no one else had. I shut everyone out, and my behaviour not only shouted to the world that I didn’t want to be cared for, looked after, liked or loved but also deemed unfavourable to the opposite sex. It’s like he knew I needed that so that I would know that I was a whole person, capable of falling and opening myself up.
I’ve struggled immensely with sexuality, openness, love and the ability to have anything that even remotely resembled a relationship. When I took the first step post-sex, it’s when my life changed for the better.
After having a year that was full of firsts, where I’ve been trying to mold into the person I want to be – I try hard not to curse how bad I feel this year has treated me. To some, this is nothing if not wonderful, but something as small as having sex sober is something that I did this year. Someone took a chance on me, and now that person is leaving.
Now, as we are approaching November – I think about the past two people I’d come to care about a lot this year. One of which, is to whom this post is dedicated to but the other, who showed me fake love and kindness – makes me appreciate the first so much more. He brought out something within me that I thought I couldn’t because I thought no one would ever care to see it.
Him leaving on this great note, where we can be wonderful friends makes me sad to say goodbye but also, appreciative that I could of had those moments. The part that tears my heart is that there is a slim to none chance I’ll ever get to see him again.
Mike, you made me a better person and thank you.
P.S. Sorry I scarred you for life (literally) but at least I didn’t steal your camera.