Goodbye – and, Thank You

Four months ago, all I wanted was him out of this country. Tonight, I say goodbye with a sadness in my heart. I am not only saying goodbye to a wonderful human but also someone that symbolises something so important to me – how I can evolve passionately as a person.

He took a chance on me when no one else had. I shut everyone out, and my behaviour not only shouted to the world that I didn’t want to be cared for, looked after, liked or loved but also deemed unfavourable to the opposite sex. It’s like he knew I needed that so that I would know that I was a whole person, capable of falling and opening myself up.

I’ve struggled immensely with sexuality, openness, love and the ability to have anything that even remotely resembled a relationship. When I took the first step post-sex, it’s when my life changed for the better.

After having a year that was full of firsts, where I’ve been trying to mold into the person I want to be – I try hard not to curse how bad I feel this year has treated me. To some, this is nothing if not wonderful, but something as small as having sex sober is something that I did this year. Someone took a chance on me, and now that person is leaving.

Now, as we are approaching November – I think about the past two people I’d come to care about a lot this year. One of which, is to whom this post is dedicated to but the other, who showed me fake love and kindness – makes me appreciate the first so much more. He brought out something within me that I thought I couldn’t because I thought no one would ever care to see it.

Him leaving on this great note, where we can be wonderful friends makes me sad to say goodbye but also, appreciative that I could of had those moments. The part that tears my heart is that there is a slim to none chance I’ll ever get to see him again.

Mike, you made me a better person and thank you.

P.S. Sorry I scarred you for life (literally) but at least I didn’t steal your camera.


5 thoughts on “Goodbye – and, Thank You

  1. Life is full of those moments. Someone touches our heart; another tramples on it. We live, we learn, we choose, we fail. All of these things make us what we are. Without them we are nothing…
    Here’s to life, my friend…. Enjoy!

  2. My heart is touched with your words and empathy. It brings up in me feelings of angels in my life who came in and left, and some that I never know if I will see again, but their effect on me has been immense or one of those deep-yet-subtle effects. Life has so many colors to it, doesn’t it? It’s so sadly beautiful sometimes.

      1. I feel like you are cultivating the kind of positivity that I respect. Some people are blindly positive it seems, and it’s like they are just clinging to that outlook. It seems like you’ve really actually cultivated it at a deep level, truly seeing things in a very interesting way and acknowledging both sides without fear, it is really cool to witness!

      2. My change of attitude has made me realize the ways in which I can change into a better human being (if you read my post Fake it Till You Make it). I feel like it’s all starting with a different outlook on life which will eventually (and hopefully) become an attitude which is second nature. Regardless of how I feel, I can witness the change by reading older blog posts, which is quite great to see.

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