A Friend in Need.

Of late, I’ve been in a bad place. Things seem too much for me, and my anxiety and self-criticism is spinning way out of control. Due to recent events, I’ve had a hard look at myself. I wonder if I am truly happy, if I am truly enjoying my own company but at the same time, realizing that people in my life are very quickly turning away from me.

After all of this, it made me think. We do have high expectations of people and the truth is – we shouldn’t have any expectations at all. With the treatment I’ve been given lately – why should I have even a hint of great expectation? But how is that fair, when I am the one going out of my way to help anyone (even strangers)?

The point I am trying to make here is – what is life about? Dog eat dog? Every man for himself? What is friendship and how can anything even be meaningful if people don’t have enough time in a day or week to talk to those they love, miss or care for? What are we actually doing here.

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Korea, Love and Longing

South African with a passion for writing, photography... and nothing much else. I travel the world in order to find the country I like the best. Four years in South Korea makes me a winning survivor of Google translate and charades. Currently, living in Spain. - Love

5 thoughts on “A Friend in Need.”

  1. Those are super big questions. wow. I really don’t know either. I think a lot of times, it’s that phenomenon where we can think “Oh, if I was in Japan, I’d be happy. If I was in the mountains, I’d be happy. If I was by the sea, I’d be happy” and we assume we’d feel a different way in a different place, when really, we’d still feel like we feel.
    When we look at other people, sometimes it seems like “Oh, that person feels meaning in their life. That person feels perfect. That person gets life.” and really, we are projecting that. I think it’s so inherently confusing and transitory, it’s hard to hang onto anything or to really feel like “Ah yes, I have FOUND MEANING!” because even when we find it for a split second when a dragonfly lands on our shoulder or something, we still end up going home and feeling that “aw crap I have to mop the floor” or whatever it is, and the “meaning” we felt is gone. It’s strange, but I think a lot of people have these questions and don’t have the answers.
    Have you ever listened to Pema Chodron? On grooveshark they have some talks of hers, and today I was listening to them. For some reason this made me think of them- she does Shambhala Buddhism from Tibet, and is a really great speaker. I think that you may possibly like listening to her speak, they probably have her on Youtube as well.

    1. I’ve had that same debacle in my head. I am lonely in Korea, but then I wonder if I would be happy back home or elsewhere. Just last night, I told my best friend that when I leave here, I won’t be lonely anymore and he replied “But will you?” I didn’t really appreciate his pessimism, but it is true. I guess it’s a nice thought to hold onto, though.

      Holding onto good, positive and meaningful thoughts IS hard. I often do get spurts of inspiration, but then it is back to “Oh crap, I have to mop the floor!” It’s trying to hold onto the positive more so than the negative that is the challenge. I just feel let down by people in my life, especially right now.

      Great, will try find Pema Chodron on YouTube! Thanks!

      1. Also, there is this book called “The Happiness Trap” and that might be *perfect* as well! It’s more psychology-oriented than Pema, and it’s super useful for me. You might be able to find excerpts of it online, it’s sort of self-helpy but in a really grounded and not foofy way. One of the coolest things it taught me so far is that there are two ways of seeing “happy”, – one is “feeling good” and another is “living a full and meaningful life.” and they remind us that living a full and meaningful life is often times *not fun* just like a long-term healthy relationship will at some point have problems. Those things are just other parts of living a fulfilled and meaningful life- but our culture can sometimes put an emphasis on “Feeling good” that makes everyone think they are the only ones not getting it. Okay that is really long but basically, i hope you like Pema and this book might be something you like as well! 🙂

      2. I’ll definitely check the book out. I have a psych degree and love anything psychology-orientated. I am really into reading again at the moment, and have been looking for books to order, so thank you!

        You’re really insightful, thanks for all the comments and for reading. I appreciate it.

      3. Totally! “Happiness Trap” is based on ACT therapy. I studied psych too, but not that in depth.

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