Now that I’ve taken an active step in trying to transform my life and be the best person that I can be, I thought I would write them down (being a compulsive list-maker and anxiety-ridden, I like to write things down so it is clear, concise and not a jumble of mess in my head):
– I have begun reading a minimum of 10 pages a day of an inspirational book, and I have been watching inspirational and encouraging videos.
– I have written down affirmations.
– I wake up and go to bed earlier, and do not nap or fall asleep before bedtime.
– I have changed my eating habits by using HerbaLife and eating salads, fruits and vegetables, fat free milk, granola bars, yogurt and chicken breasts and also drinking 2 litres of water a day.
– In any opportunity, I try and be more active. I haven’t begun an exercise programme yet.
I know that there are a few more personal goals that I can start working on:
– I’d like to do more cultural activities -going to museums, palaces and other beautiful places that give me an opportunity to take photographs.
– I’ve stopped smoking during the week, and could further extend that by giving up altogether. I think that I smoke out of nervousness and anxiety and think that that is more the addictive force, rather than smoking itself.
– I could drink less and spend a weekend traveling around Korea instead of one night a week of drinking, and feeling tired the next day.
I think, should I work on those goals, I could live a well-rounded life and be in a better mental and physical state.
I thought I’d do a very brave thing in today’s post which will leave me feeling completely vulnerable, but it is only a way in which to view results and to witness how my attitude has changed over the last few weeks.
Below are a few quotes from a message I sent someone just under 3 weeks ago about the feelings I had been having for just over two months. I’ve omitted some details:
“I have very low self-esteem, and I am sure it stems from a rejection from men as well as my weight.”
“I simply put feel unwanted, unloved and lonely.”
“I am desperately looking for someone else to date because I know it’ll take the loneliness away and I get envious and jealous of all of my close friends who are so happy with their boy/girlfriends.”
“I feel stuck.”
“I know I should work on being healthier and losing weight, but feel more hopeless to do so than motivated. I do know it’ll boost my self-esteem however.”
“I also know that I should be happy with myself, and love myself before I engage in any other relationship – but I just don’t know how to do that.”
“Since breaking up with my boyfriend, I’ve been coming home from work and sleeping all the way through to the next morning some nights.”
“I feel like I do know what I need to do, to try and be happy but I feel hopelessness to start or do anything right now.”
Tonight, I sent this same person the following message:
“I went out for a friends birthday 2 weekends ago, and something just changed within me. I snapped out of my funk and started to take an active part in getting my body and mind healthy – I’ve started watching inspirational videos and reading inspirational and encouraging novels. I read 10 pages every morning, so to start my day on a positive note.
I’ve started eating healthily and have already seen results thereof.
My outlook is to see the positive in everything, be kind to people and I’ll receive what I give out.
I’ve also quit trying to find someone, because I know this time is to work on myself so that I can be the best person I can be, and not let my entire life be influenced by one guy.”
I simply love the change in attitude and it inspires me to work more and more.
Now, I try be as active as I possible can, taking the stairs instead of escalators and embracing hills in my town. I’ve taken extra initiative to walk to the store further away to buy fruit etc.
I feel excited about the upcoming week and my new eating plan.
I wake up an extra 20 minutes earlier in the morning, so that I can eat a healthy breakfast. When I get to work, before opening up Facebook and my e-mails, I read 10 pages of The Power. I come home and keep myself busy, eat healthily and go to bed around 10:30/11pm – an hour earlier.
I wake up feeling energetic and alive. I don’t feel sluggish and tired at work anymore.
Thank you to all of you who have been reading my blog, through my little struggle and now, when I’ve come out winning. I appreciate you all.
Brian Tracy wrote the 7 Keys to a Positive Personality. They are:
1. Positive Self-Talk – Control your inner dialogue and say affirmations.
2. Visualize – Get a clear picture of your ideal life.
3. Positive People – Surround yourself with positive people.
4. Positive Mental Food – Read inspirational, motivational & educational books.
5. Positive Training and Development – Sell yourself from rags to riches.
6. Positive Eating Habits – Eat well and exercise.
7. Positive Expectations – Expect what you want in your life with confidence.
For once in my life, I’ve chosen to turn bad experiences into good ones by thinking positively and by rather realizing that terrible and hurtful things that people tend to do is of no reflection of ones self, but rather of them. If one has the inherent ability to be so horrible and hurtful, well then that wasn’t an act that I evoked out of them but rather that they possessed all along.
Thinking back to some of the things this people tend to say as excuses – “I have no time for myself” ” finding time to gym is hard” “I’m studying” “I’m working” etc etc. I think of the story about the Mayonnaise Jar and the Two Cups of Coffee (if you haven’t read it, you should) – I’ve attached a photo below. It basically gives a great analogy about how much time we have in a day, and that if it seems 24 hours is not enough – we are wrong. The end tells us of how a student asks the professor what the coffee represented in this analogy and he replied “It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.” – and right there is my point. Bottom line – work hard and be nice to people.
Four months ago, all I wanted was him out of this country. Tonight, I say goodbye with a sadness in my heart. I am not only saying goodbye to a wonderful human but also someone that symbolizes something so important to me – how I can evolve passionately as a person.
He took a chance on me when no one else had. I shut everyone out, and my behaviour not only shouted to the world that I didn’t want to be cared for, looked after, liked or loved but also deemed unfavourable to the opposite sex. It’s like he knew I needed that so that I would know that I was a whole person, capable of falling and opening myself up.
I’ve struggled immensely with sexuality, openness, love and the ability to have anything that even remotely resembled a relationship. When I took the first step post-sex, it’s when my life changed for the better.
After having a year that was full of firsts, where I’ve been trying to mold into the person I want to be – I try hard not to curse how bad I feel this year has treated me. To some, this is nothing if not wonderful, but something as small as having sex sober is something that I did this year. Someone took a chance on me, and now that person is leaving.
Now, as we are approaching November – I think about the past two people I’d come to care about a lot this year. One of which, is to whom this post is dedicated to but the other, who showed me fake love and kindness – makes me appreciate the first so much more. He brought out something within me that I thought I couldn’t because I thought no one would ever care to see it.
Him leaving on this great note, where we can be wonderful friends makes me sad to say goodbye but also, appreciative that I could of had those moments. The part that tears my heart is that there is a slim to none chance I’ll ever get to see him again.
Mike, you made me a better person and thank you.
P.S. Sorry I scarred you for life (literally) but at least I didn’t steal your camera. Africans!!