Girls // Boys

I’ve only now come to the realisation that I have always seen people as inherently good. Yes, I have been done a wrong in my life – I’ve had people do horrible things to me and I’ve even said, done or thought horrible things myself, but more specifically – I’m talking about men. These last few days have shown me some truly ugly sides of men that were ~important~ to a friend and I.

If the point of this post isn’t clear, let me clarify – it is about men who are Mr Big Shot, all-talk, loud, confident, sassy and present – but who are also lying, cheating and cowardly excuses of a person.

If you’ve been following my posts, you’ll know that I’ve recently been thrown out like bad trash, treated with disrespect and utmost insincerity, and by a man that I had come to care deeply for. A man that had so-called ~loved~ me and a man that seduced me right into his heart.This post isn’t necessarily about me and what I have just experienced, but rather a close friend. It hit me that much harder, because of the fact that I had just gone through something similar myself.

For all intents and purposes, we’ll call her Mary. Mary went to Primary School with a guy, and honestly I do not know the logistics. Perhaps they were friends, perhaps they weren’t. Irrelevantly, they both moved onto different High Schools and lost contact. Five years post University, said man, let’s call him Josh, a South African/Italian, decides to contact Mary on Facebook. Mr Italian Stallion, with his charming ways, tells her that he misses her and that they should go out sometime. And of course, Mary eats it up, as us women do. They begin talking on instant message, nightly.

The conversations lead to sex, of course.  Josh starts saying all of these dirty things, sending Mary pictures of himself, leaving Mary feeling flustered but also feeling confused and immoral. She has a good Christian upbringing, and is new to dirty talk or even picture sending. She, reluctantly, sends him a few photos back of herself but feels horrible about it afterwards. All throughout, having dirty thoughts about him, which she doesn’t feel good or natural about. She questions her morals and her decisions, and she wants to keep talking to him, but perhaps not in this manner.

Mary and I had had lengthy conversations, for a few months, about this guy. Throughout their dirty nature of conversation, all she really wanted was to know that someone cared about her or that someone was able to make a small commitment to her. She insisted that they meet for a drink on many occasions, in which he’d agree to, but then suddenly cancelled. She held onto the hope that he’d come around and eventually meet her, which is what many females do! We linger, and we wait, in hope that any man will eventually want us or take some notice of us.

Many proposed dates with Josh were cancelled on his part, and Mary trusted her instinct and asked him directly “Do you have a girlfriend?”, and this is the part that baffles me. He instantly deletes her off their instant message application, blocks her off Facebook and stops all contact.

The guy was a cheating dog, who thought with nothing but his penis, and after stringing along my friend, who is absolutely wholesome, wonderful and amazing, she catches him out and poof! he is gone. The situation made me angry for a few reasons:

I watched this girl, who basically is a representation of many females, sit there and wait for this guy. I witnessed her, out of pure desperation for love or something from the guy, wait for him to finally confirm a date. It’s the hope that annoys me. We are always hoping. We meet men, and we hope they want us, or we hope they find us attractive, or want to date us. But more importantly, when things get tough or they retract from us, we hope they won’t leave us, we hope they aren’t disinterested in us and we wonder “what can I do to keep him?” orIs it me?”.

I’m angry because I see myself in her. I am that girl, eating up his lies, allowing him to tell me these things which make me feel good about myself. I am the girl that eventually sees him retracting, and desperately holds onto him, in hope that he doesn’t end things with me. I hope that things won’t go sour, that he will turn around and everything will be perfect again. I don’t let go of him because, maybe he isn’t going to break up with me, and then I’ve gone and done it. But when it finally happens – and it will, given the behaviour or both of these men, we are left heartbroken, feeling like our bodies and minds have been used. Yes, we’ve become a victim of their fake generosity, their kindness and their ever so slight hold on us, that things will happen, or be perfect, forever. What do these two girls have in common? We both have a big heart, we love unconditionally, we want to believe the best in people, we believe people. We both yearn for love, in probably the wrong places, but when a form of it reaches us, we cling to it. We have morals, and we’re honest and we don’t have any problem talking about our feelings.

I see Brett (the guy that has just broken my heart into pieces) in Mr Italian Stallion, because as soon as things got too heavy – they bolt. When I questioned Brett about what was happening with our relationship, and that he was hurting me, he was suddenly no where to be found. When I catch him out for lying about his whereabouts, he blocks me off Facebook, but still does not reply or answer my calls. What do these two men have in common? They are all talk, they are there for the ride. The fun glorious ride, with kisses, and holding hands, sex, dirty pictures, fun but when things get heavy or when they are caught for their lies, they’re gone, like the wind. (yes, cliche!) They are cowards, they are sweet talkers, they are seducers, but more importantly, they were never genuine. They never felt interested to meet up with us in the first place, they were never in love with us, and they were never honest.


6 thoughts on “Girls // Boys

  1. It makes me upset when I hear of a guy hurting a girl; breaking their heart to the point they put up walls in fear of falling in love and being hurt again or worse than before because not only does it puts us (sincere, loving, true of character) guys in a negative standpoint, but it makes it harder to trust those who are willing to give it their all for the one they want to love.
    I see girls/woman as…well, precious. We men have no idea how hard it is for you and when it comes to childbirth…
    Anyway, what I’m trying to convey is that not all men are the ferocious, sex-mongering, flaky womanizers. Just maybe, there are some out there who want to treat a girl right, loving them with all their heart because they see how special and amazing they are.

  2. I have tried really hard not to generalize in my post, because I am sure there are decent men out there. Just given recent events, I do feel like I need to doubt humans, not only men. Women, in general, need to be more in-tune with themselves and listen to their gut feelings when it comes to men. Mine have been spot-on every time, yet I chose to ignore them. You live, you learn.

    Thanks for the comment 🙂

  3. Women have an innate ability to ‘feel’ things that men can not. However, on many occasions, they choose to ignore the voice coming from inside. This is the cause for problems. There can be no debate that women are the most important gift from God to this world, not just men, but the whole world. It is tragic that they are not treated with the care they must get. Do move on KLL. I pray that you are compensated by a real man.

  4. Such a lovely comment, thank you! And so true.

    The warning signs were there, and my inner voice spoke out but I was too desperate or needy of him, to do anything about it. I am the one left empty and powerless in this relationship at the end of the day.

  5. well i don’t want to come across sounding rude and not understanding, but in your case i can still make an excuse, cuz you seemed to have had a real relationship with this brett person( i will just read the rest of your blogs too), but this Mary friend of yours, did she ever meet the guy??

    I agree every one is excited about the prospect of someone’s love, but i guess we should draw the difference between real and virtual life. The line is diminishing fast and we should make it point to keep the line real, else see what happens? We stupid girls end up getting hurt for no reason.

    I mean, i read the above and i am so amused at your friend, why did she get carried away so easily? Fine Mr. Italian Stallion( if you intend to make a pun with that name, i get it) was very hot and charming, but that was all online. People are very different on face, and its better, safer if you take it from the real world to the virtual world.

    I am not saying girls who pine up hopes on guys in the virtual world( no matter how real these men might sound) are stupid, i have been there myself, looking for an emotional connection amongst the 157 odd friends who remain online, but surely you see the futility of this exercise?

    You sound genuine and sweet, please tell your friend “mary” to be careful and more real in the future. Any relationship, without any preemptive thought is not going to end well…or go anywhere for that fact.

  6. My friend didn’t meet with the guy, because he kept blowing her off. They did, however, go to school together – so they did know each other. They hadn’t spoken in many years, though and it started up again, only via IM.

    Thanks for the insight, and you are so right about the fine line between virtual and real life.

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