I’ve only now come to the realisation that I have always seen people as inherently good. Yes, I have been done a wrong in my life – I’ve had people do horrible things to me and I’ve even said, done or thought horrible things myself, but more specifically – I’m talking about men. These last few days have shown me some truly ugly sides of men that were ~important~ to a friend and I.
If the point of this post isn’t clear, let me clarify – it is about men who are Mr Big Shot, all-talk, loud, confident, sassy and present – but who are also lying, cheating and cowardly excuses of a person.
If you’ve been following my posts, you’ll know that I’ve recently been thrown out like bad trash, treated with disrespect and utmost insincerity, and by a man that I had come to care deeply for. A man that had so-called ~loved~ me and a man that seduced me right into his heart.This post isn’t necessarily about me and what I have just experienced, but rather a close friend. It hit me that much harder, because of the fact that I had just gone through something similar myself.
For all intents and purposes, we’ll call her Mary. Mary went to Primary School with a guy, and honestly I do not know the logistics. Perhaps they were friends, perhaps they weren’t. Irrelevantly, they both moved onto different High Schools and lost contact. Five years post University, said man, let’s call him Josh, a South African/Italian, decides to contact Mary on Facebook. Mr Italian Stallion, with his charming ways, tells her that he misses her and that they should go out sometime. And of course, Mary eats it up, as us women do. They begin talking on instant message, nightly.
The conversations lead to sex, of course. Josh starts saying all of these dirty things, sending Mary pictures of himself, leaving Mary feeling flustered but also feeling confused and immoral. She has a good Christian upbringing, and is new to dirty talk or even picture sending. She, reluctantly, sends him a few photos back of herself but feels horrible about it afterwards. All throughout, having dirty thoughts about him, which she doesn’t feel good or natural about. She questions her morals and her decisions, and she wants to keep talking to him, but perhaps not in this manner.
Mary and I had had lengthy conversations, for a few months, about this guy. Throughout their dirty nature of conversation, all she really wanted was to know that someone cared about her or that someone was able to make a small commitment to her. She insisted that they meet for a drink on many occasions, in which he’d agree to, but then suddenly cancelled. She held onto the hope that he’d come around and eventually meet her, which is what many females do! We linger, and we wait, in hope that any man will eventually want us or take some notice of us.
Many proposed dates with Josh were cancelled on his part, and Mary trusted her instinct and asked him directly “Do you have a girlfriend?”, and this is the part that baffles me. He instantly deletes her off their instant message application, blocks her off Facebook and stops all contact.
The guy was a cheating dog, who thought with nothing but his penis, and after stringing along my friend, who is absolutely wholesome, wonderful and amazing, she catches him out and poof! he is gone. The situation made me angry for a few reasons:
I watched this girl, who basically is a representation of many females, sit there and wait for this guy. I witnessed her, out of pure desperation for love or something from the guy, wait for him to finally confirm a date. It’s the hope that annoys me. We are always hoping. We meet men, and we hope they want us, or we hope they find us attractive, or want to date us. But more importantly, when things get tough or they retract from us, we hope they won’t leave us, we hope they aren’t disinterested in us and we wonder “what can I do to keep him?” or “Is it me?”.
I’m angry because I see myself in her. I am that girl, eating up his lies, allowing him to tell me these things which make me feel good about myself. I am the girl that eventually sees him retracting, and desperately holds onto him, in hope that he doesn’t end things with me. I hope that things won’t go sour, that he will turn around and everything will be perfect again. I don’t let go of him because, maybe he isn’t going to break up with me, and then I’ve gone and done it. But when it finally happens – and it will, given the behaviour or both of these men, we are left heartbroken, feeling like our bodies and minds have been used. Yes, we’ve become a victim of their fake generosity, their kindness and their ever so slight hold on us, that things will happen, or be perfect, forever. What do these two girls have in common? We both have a big heart, we love unconditionally, we want to believe the best in people, we believe people. We both yearn for love, in probably the wrong places, but when a form of it reaches us, we cling to it. We have morals, and we’re honest and we don’t have any problem talking about our feelings.
I see Brett (the guy that has just broken my heart into pieces) in Mr Italian Stallion, because as soon as things got too heavy – they bolt. When I questioned Brett about what was happening with our relationship, and that he was hurting me, he was suddenly no where to be found. When I catch him out for lying about his whereabouts, he blocks me off Facebook, but still does not reply or answer my calls. What do these two men have in common? They are all talk, they are there for the ride. The fun glorious ride, with kisses, and holding hands, sex, dirty pictures, fun but when things get heavy or when they are caught for their lies, they’re gone, like the wind. (yes, cliche!) They are cowards, they are sweet talkers, they are seducers, but more importantly, they were never genuine. They never felt interested to meet up with us in the first place, they were never in love with us, and they were never honest.